Grieve…Then Prepare to Receive Healing

I’m asking that you bear with me on this one.  This post is longer than what I had planned.  However, after writing what follows, I realized that this couldn’t be split up and that it just needs to be all inclusive.    Please take the time to read through it all.  Then schedule some secluded time with the Lord to let Him minister to you.  I pray that you allow God to prepare your heart for healing.

When I was a young Christian and had just started dating my husband, a couple people said some harsh things to me. They said that I was damaged and not worthy of him.  They also said that John, my boyfriend at the time, should not even consider marrying me.  Of course, when I heard these kinds of things they made me angry.  I was hurt and confused because I truly believed that when I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior that the following verse became a reality in my life.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

The new creation that is being talked about is our spirit. That’s what we term born-again.  So, what does that mean for our physical, mental and emotional realm?  The answer to that is found in Romans 12:2 (NKJV) I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.  So, now that our spirit is renewed, we need to renew our mind and allow God to work on our mind, our will and our emotions.  So, here we go.

I got on my knees and began to seek the Lord about why I felt that I wasn’t good enough for John.  I actually realized that deep down I agreed with them. The next few hours were some of the most heart wrenching that I’d experienced.  You see, up until that day, I had learned to turn off almost all of my negative emotions.  I lived behind a carefully constructed wall of denial that I put in place early on when I was being abused. I’d learned that if I could check-out, by imagining I was elsewhere, then I wouldn’t feel the pain of what was happening to me. I eventually became so proficient at escaping that even years after the abuse stopped I couldn’t remember whole chunks of my life.  But during this time, in the presence of God, those lost moments, days and weeks came flooding back.  I remembered the fear, heartache, betrayal, disgust, embarrassment, pain and the biggest emotion of all…shame.

So you may be asking, “Why go through those awful memories?”  Well I’m sure I didn’t go through them all.  In fact, what was being remembered was not the gruesome details of the abuse, but how I felt.  That is what was shut-off in my life and needed to get opened back up again…the ability to feel.  No, I’m not asking you to re-feel all those things but to allow the Lord to clean out the old wounds so that He can disinfect them with His love.

I began to see that child again.  The floodgate was opened.  I wept for her.  I grieved for that little girl that was hurt by the very person that should have been protecting her.  I had never felt so much pain and grief.  I’d never cried that hard in my life.  I felt like I was being cleansed, in a way, to the very core of my being by the tears.  Through the whole experience, I knew that the Lord was right there with me.  During this time with Jesus, I felt that I’d finally let that little girl feel again.  Before that, she was always hiding, both physically and emotionally.  When we are so full of shame our typical response is to hide, just like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden when they were ashamed.  They hid from God.

In order for us to have a healthy relationship with Jesus, we have to be open and honest with Him.  No hiding!  Often, the Lord speaks to my heart saying, “If you allow me to reveal it, then I can heal it.”  After allowing myself to grieve the bad things that happened to me then I could move on to my journey of healing.  I could actually feel again.  Having so many years of bottled up emotions left me emotionally stunted.  But the good news is that He heals the broken-hearted.

Luke 4:18 (NKJV)

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;

Just as each of us is a unique masterpiece fashioned by the Lord, we each have a unique story.  We have been broken differently through what has happened to us. Even if we hold up two identical sculptures and drop them from equal distance onto cement, they will break differently.  Their pieces will have different ways of fitting back together and if you try to glue a piece on the wrong sculpture it will be distorted or deformed.  So it is with us.  Allow the Lord to direct you in your grieving process if you haven’t yet grieved.  He is the artist.

If this process is too hard for you to do alone with the Lord; if you feel like you’re sinking into darkness with the memories, please contact a pastor or someone you trust to talk to.  If you feel deeply depressed, please contact a professional.  Don’t let this part of the process leave you in darkness.  The goal is not to wallow in the emotions but to process through them to make a fresh start.  If you feel you’ve already grieved, then don’t go there again.  It’s not necessary.  Also, you may be tempted to yield to feelings of resentment or self-pity at this juncture.  Trust the process.  God will not bring you this far to abandon you now.  You are worthy of being healed and it is His will that you are completely restored to emotional health. Trust Him!

If you don’t know Jesus, personally, as your Lord and Savior, then that is where we need to start.  The gospel is so much more than getting into heaven when we die.   We can experience a bit a heaven while on this earth when we give over the Lordship of our life to the One who designed us.  Romans 10:9-10 (NKJV) That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart, one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth, confession is made unto salvation.  It’s that simple.  Just ask.  Romans 10:13 (NKJV) For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Just pray, “Lord God, please forgive me for all my sins. I truly want to make a fresh start. I believe that your son Jesus died for my sins, was raised from the dead and is alive to hear my prayers.  Jesus, please come into my life and be my Lord and my Savior. Thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to lead me and guide me from this day forward as I purpose to live for you.”  Amen.

You don’t have to have any outward evidence of your grieving, you don’t have to make yourself cry.  The important part is asking the Lord to cleanse you from the pain of your past.  The important part is to cast your cares on Him.  I pray that you will begin to feel the joy and freedom that comes from releasing your grief and pain to the Lord.

Here are a few more scriptures for you to meditate on concerning scriptural grieving by giving it over to the Lord.  Please take the time to read these.  Read them in context including the verses around them. Take time to write in your journal about what you think these verses mean.  Record anything that stands out to you that the Lord speaks to your heart or just simply how you felt going through this exercise.

Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Psalm 147:3 (AMP)

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows].

1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

Isaiah 53:4-6

Surely He has borne our griefs (sicknesses, weaknesses, and distresses) and carried our sorrows and pains [of punishment], yet we [ignorantly] considered Him stricken, smitten, and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy].

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.

All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord has made to light upon Him the guilt and iniquity of us all.

John 14:26 (AMP)

But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.

Tools for Transformation-Meditation

What type of tools do we need for the job?  This is a question that we each must ask as we start any project or endeavor.  If I’m going to be working on a car then I will be looking for mechanic’s tools.  If I’m working on building something out of wood for a house, I will likely need a carpenter’s tools.  How about if you’re cooking a big meal for a potluck or family gathering? Then you will need cooking tools.  The point is, whatever we are doing, we are more productive if we have the right tools for the job.

There are some instances that you can “make do” with a tool that isn’t for the specific purpose you are using it for.  For instance, I’ve been camping and having forgotten the can opener, we ended up using a screwdriver and a crescent wrench to open the can.  The crescent wrench was used like a hammer to pound down on the screwdriver to poke holes around the edge, so that the top of the can could be pulled back enough to get at the pork & beans.  Let me tell you – it would have been SO much easier to just have had a can opener! Not only easier – but safer too.

After we obtain the correct tool for the job, it is important to become well-trained in using the tool.  Otherwise, we don’t get the full benefit of the tool.  I can get by with some tools in the kitchen.  However, if you give me a fancy food processor that slices, dices, chops and puree’s, I guarantee that I would be lost in trying to operate it.  However, I’m pretty sure my sister, who is a wonderful cook, would be able to utilize it to its fullest capacity.  The tool we need for life is God’s Word.  Most people in free countries either own a Bible or have access to a Bible. Unfortunately, many people don’t know how to get the most benefit from it.

What tools do we need for becoming healthy and whole women who are fulfilling our purpose on this earth and not being victims of our past? There are a few, and they are all related to our need to reprogram our soul realm which is our mind, our will and our emotions.  It’s so important to replace those negative thoughts that tell us we will never be able to have good relationships because we will never trust with the truth that God’s love is poured into our heart by the Holy Spirit – Romans 5:5 AMP Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. With His love we have the capacity to trust again.  When you replace bad thoughts telling you that God doesn’t care with the truth that is given to us in the following verse then you grow in your ability to trust Him. John 3:16 AMP This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.

The primary tool that we need for transforming our life is the Bible. But then to get even more specific, we need to locate the scripture verse(s) that apply to what we need.  Since this blog is dedicated to recovery, in the area of emotional healing for sexual abuse, I’d suggest verses that apply to building your faith that it is God’s will to heal you. There are numerous scriptures that we can memorize and meditate on to build our faith for healing. However, the most important verse for you is the one that the Lord leads you to and that is the one that becomes alive to you. Yes, His Word is ALIVEHebrews 4:12 NLT  For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. We put our trust in the Holy Spirit’s leading us to exactly what we need. If Jesus is your Lord and Savior then you have a direct connection to hearing from Him.  Romans 8:14 NLT  For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

Proverbs 3:5-6  The Message (MSG)

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; Don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do,  everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Find one or two verses that minister to you. Trust the Lord is leading you to them. Those are the verses that you will meditate on. Write them on an index card. Keep them on your nightstand. Tape them to your bathroom mirror.  Speak them to yourself before bedtime and when you awake.

Psalm 1:2-3 NKJV

But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
    And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree
    Planted by the rivers of water,
    That brings forth its fruit in its season,
    Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.

The word, meditates, in the verse above is the same Hebrew word, hagah, used in Joshua 1:8.  The Strongs Concordance shows that this Hebrew word, hagah, could also be translated as: mutter, speak, imagine, study, utter or talk.

I’d like to encourage you to take your verse concerning healing and say it out loud. Mutter it.  Utter it putting a different emphasis on each word in the verse.  Say the verse to yourself in your own words – paraphrase it.  This will build your faith. Romans 10:17 says “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”  It is imperative that you hear the truth because that will build your faith.  Notice that Romans 10:17 says faith comes by hearing.  It doesn’t say that it comes by reading.  It doesn’t say it comes by having heard.  Faith doesn’t come from wishing.  It comes from hearing the Word of God!  In my opinion, this is your most important tool.  The more skilled you become at wielding the tool of meditating on the God’s Word, the more revelation and the more faith you will acquire to enable you to take hold of the promises of God.

Example: Psalm 107:20 NKJV   He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.

He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.   

He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.

He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.

He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.

He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.

He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.

He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.

Emphasize each of the highlighted words as you say the verse out loud.  Think about the emphasized word. He = Who?

Sent=From Where?  His=Jesus? Word=What word? Healed=spirit, soul or body?

Thank the Lord for healing you and delivering you.  Part of meditating on God’s word is also being in communication with the author of His word. The Holy Spirit is your teacher and He’s ready to help you understand His word. Ask Him questions.  Talk to Him.

Make sure to write your verse(s) in your journal and the results of your meditating on them. What did you learn from the Holy Spirit? Did you see something new in that scripture?

This is the first of many tools that we will be talking about over the next few blog entries.


  • Find a verse or two.
  • Write it down on an index card (a few copies).
  • Put it where you will see it regularly
    • Bathroom mirror
    • Nightstand
    • Refrigerator.
  • Meditate on the verse – mutter it out loud.
  • Ask questions & let the Holy Spirit lead you and teach you
  • Write in your journal the verse(s) that you’ve meditated on and what you’ve learned from the Holy Spirit

 P1020983Here is a song from one of my favorite Artists – Michael W. Smith – “Healing Rain.”  Let it minister to you.

He Restores My Soul

One of my favorite Psalms turned out to be tremendously healing to me early on in my recovery from sexual abuse.  I began to see a different picture of God than what I’d imagined Him to be.  In order to have a healthy relationship with our Father God we must see Him as He is displayed to us in the Bible and not the picture painted for us through our life experiences, television, parents, ministers, movies, books or any man-made idea of Him.  The 23rd Psalm was important in my journey to discovering Him as my loving Shepherd whose very job is to lead, feed, and protect me.  I’m so thankful that He does!

I’ve included the Amplified version of this Psalm because that was what I was reading when a new picture of a loving, caring, protective God began to form on the inside of me.  As we read and meditate on each verse we can see how it describes meeting every need we have. I’m just going to share my study with you and will write my observations and comments between each verse and they will be in ITALICS so you will be able to discern my thoughts from the Amplified Version of the scripture.

I enjoy using The Strong’s Concordance to better understand what the Hebrew writer was trying to convey to us.  I also used Matthew Henry’s Commentary in my study.

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.

The Shepherd’s job is shown above in the brackets. He is to feed, guide, and protect us. I am comforted knowing that it’s His job to care for me.   Then it goes on to say, in the KJV – “I shall not want.”  The Hebrew word for lack (want) – Chacer, is also translated as want – 7 times, lack – 6 times and fail – 3 times.  Essentially telling us that our needs are met when we are following our Shepherd. I also like replacing the word lack with fail.  I shall not fail! 

He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.

Green pastures, especially in Israel which is a desert, is a safe place to rest and recover. When animals are led to a place to be watered, they are there to be refreshed, revived, renewed.  In Matthew Henry’s Commentary, he says, “The consolations of the Holy Spirit are the still waters by which the saints are led; the streams which flow from the Fountain of living waters.”  Is there anything more refreshing than a fountain of LIVING waters?  

I can’t help but think of another verse where Jesus is speaking in John 4:14 – “But whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”  Take note of where the fountain is!

He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him—not for my earning it, but] for His name’s sake.

The Hebrew word for restore is, shuwb, means to turn back or return.  I am believing for a complete restoration from the damage done to my soul, which is my mind, will and emotions. He repairs the brokenness that came from the abuse.  God is not only able, but He is willing to heal us, just as He was willing to heal the leper in  Mark 1:40, Matthew 8:2 and Luke 5:12. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever – Hebrews 13:8.  

He leads us in paths of righteousness, not our righteousness, but the righteousness that is freely given us who believe in His name – Jesus.

Yes, I realize this is the Old Testament and Jesus had not died for our sins yet.  However, the O.T. points to the New Testament toward the redemption that we have been given.

Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.

Now when I think of shadows of anything, I think of how they can be scary but can’t actually cause any damage.  That is what a shadow of death is to a believer.  It is just meant to cause fear but has NO teeth.  He has the rod, which is also translated as sceptre which denotes authority, and a staff to support which are both comforting in their protection.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.

Whenever a table is talked about it is obvious that it is saying that He has made provision available for us even when the enemy of our soul is around.  The devil is active on this earth but as a child of God we have our needs met.  

If we look back to the time that this was written, in the desert of Israel, it was customary to pour oil on for many reasons. One of those reasons was as an act or custom of hospitality. It was refreshing and as shown in the story in Luke 7 could be quite expensive.  Our Shepherd spares no expense in anointing us with the oil of His Holy Spirit.  One of the uses of anointing oil is healing as shown in James 5:14.

Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.

Before I’d actually asked Jesus to be my Lord & Savior, I read a book on positive thinking and this was one of the verses, Psalm 23:6, that it said to write down and say out loud to myself daily. I put it on the back of one of my business cards and stuck it in the speedometer area on my 1982 Chevette. I said it out loud a lot! Little did I really know the impact this one verse would have on the rest of my life.  I think it is self-explanatory and I’d encourage you to put it on an index card and say it to yourself whenever you see it.

1. What does it mean to you when you think about Jesus being your Shepherd?

2. Do a quick study on the internet about what a shepherd does and how the sheep react to their shepherd.

3. Read John 10:1- 30.

4. How do sheep know their shepherd?  What else did you get from these verses?

I hope this little study will help you to see how our Lord wants to lead us and it is our responsibility to get to know His voice so that we do not mistake it for an impostor.  He has so many assurances He wants to give us as to His love and intentions for us as HIs beloved.  I pray that He reveals these to you as you study Psalm 23.